i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
