If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
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