But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
