My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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