Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize