Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
