You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
