11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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