allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
