I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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