I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
