we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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