It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
