I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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