Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
