just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
