So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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