Swine flu. Run for my life!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
