when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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