so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
