Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
