I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
one might say we're banned from that church
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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