i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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