Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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