I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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