It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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