You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
