She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
