I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
