dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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