K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
