i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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