How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize