i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
