so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
