he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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