Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize