My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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