I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize