So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
