fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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