she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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