I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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