I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
