i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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