We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
