Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize