the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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