I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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