yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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