HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
