Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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