i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
