you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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