Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
