I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
