oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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