I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
