So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
