If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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