I have demons in me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
