When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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