There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
