It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
