Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I believe in your delicious
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
