its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's official drugs can't kill me
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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