cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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