So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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