I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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