I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
