i don't like sucking hair
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
