I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
