i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
