I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
