your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
