The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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