i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
