you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
