it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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