It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
