genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
