Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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