Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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