Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
