How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
