Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
