i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
foreskin is a definite game changer
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
