Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
