remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
