sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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