I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
