You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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