remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
