Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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