I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
