3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
