I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
