Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
