Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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