We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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